Lullaby Fail

“So I’m listening to this documentary about Charles Manson? They’re at Roman Polanski’s house, you know, where it happened, and the music they’re playing is Rosemary’s Baby, haha!”

Hmm. It seems that my husband can no longer resist telling me about his documentaries, and I’m glad. I learn so much from them! I’m not being sarcastic, either. Before today, I’d been unfamiliar with the Rosemary’s Baby music, so when Callaghan mentioned it, I went online. Because this was research I had to do. Having never seen the movie, all I knew about Rosemary’s Baby was that there’s this woman named Rosemary, and she has a baby, and the baby turns out to be evil. And now, I also know that the music from this movie is haunting enough to have been used as the music in a documentary about Charles Manson, who I do know about. See how this comes around in a circle? Isn’t it great?

The music was easily found on YouTube. I closed out after 1.30, because by then, the theme was clear: “la la la la ” set against tinkly music. I assume this was meant to be a lullaby composed for an evil baby. I also assume that the lullaby didn’t work… the baby probably never slept, as it was allegedly busy killing and eating everybody. This gets me thinking about the impact of music on babies. If the la la la la tinkly music lullaby didn’t work on Rosemary’s Baby, then maybe Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden would have done the trick? Baby reverse psychology?

Of course, I’ll never get to test my theory, since I’ll never have a baby. I had a radical hysterectomy (aka “bilateral salpingo oophorectomy and hysterectomy”), which I’m pretty sure prevents me from getting pregnant. But hey! What I can do is test the theory on a goat. We’d simply hire a male pygmy goat to impregnate Sharpie, our female pygmy goat, and voilà! We wait for the birth, play Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden (might as well use both), and stand back to see whether the baby goes on a killing spree or settles down to be as sweet and demure as its mother. If it turns out to be the mass murderer that Rosemary’s Baby allegedly was, then we can deduce that my theory was incorrect. Genius, if I do say so myself!

And since we’re responsible neighbors, we’ll first warn Michel down the way that a baby goat might come along to kill and eat him, his wife and menagerie.

I can’t wait for Callaghan to quit work for the day so I can tell him my plan!

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