I don’t feel 44 today… maybe because I haven’t hit my proverbial mid-life crisis yet. How does it work? Do I have to wait until I turn 45? That would mean I have a whole year left to plan, which is good because there’s a lot of stuff I can do, and I’ll probably change my mind numerous times. My list will need revisions. On the other hand, I’m kind of impatient; you spend your whole life inching toward this unique opportunity to do things you can get away with because you have this ready-made excuse.
Here’s my mid-life crisis list so far:
-smoke clove cigarettes and contemplate the philosophical ironies of my existence.
-set myself up as a psychic in a small old house. Live upstairs. Work downstairs.
-Adopt an ocelot.
-Make a sex tape with Callaghan.
-Listen to Def Leppard at night in the glow of a blue light bulb.
-Use my martial arts background as a springboard to a venture in mud-wrestling.
-Go the traditional route and buy a fancy sports car, leave my wife for a younger woman and make my kids call her “Mom.”
-Marry a French artist and move to his country, giving up half of what I own and leaving behind everything familiar to me. Start a career as a blogger. Oh, wait….