Last night, I went to yahoo.com to check my email, and when the page loaded, one of many headlines to catch my eye was one about Kim Kardashian’s recent photo-shoot in Paper Magazine. It wasn’t the same as the last headline I’d scanned on the subject, though. I’m not bothering to count how many different Kim Kardashian photo-shoot-related headlines I’ve glimpsed in the last few days.
“Look at this,” I said. “Yet another article about Kim Kardashian’s photo-shoot!”
“Really?” He asked, distracted. I looked over at his screen. He was reading something about the comet landing… like that matters! Everyone knows that Kim Kardashian’s butt pictures are more important.
“You’ve seen the pictures, right…” I prodded his memory. “You know, she did that provocative photo-shoot for that magazine, and now everyone’s freaking out about her butt.”
This was when I discovered that Callaghan was apparently the only person on the planet who hadn’t yet seen the pictures. Being the decent citizen that I am, I clicked on the article and found a link to the full spread to show him. His reaction? Two words.
“Why is it spooky?” I had to ask.
“Because look at the size of her butt!”
“I don’t get it.”
“It’s like… this big,” he said, holding out his hands to frame an invisible Kim Kardashian butt.
“It’s the size of her butt compared to her waist,” he explained. “Why are you asking me this? You know that it’s spooky!”
“Because ‘spooky’ is a really specific adjective, and its use in reference to someone’s butt is unexpected,” I explained. “When I hear ‘spooky,’ I think of Halloween. Ghosts. Stalkers. You know. Spooky. It means scary in a quiet, obscure way.”
“I am scared, Baby,” he said. “I’m scared by her butt.”
He went back to reading about the comet landing. I said, “Maybe they could’ve landed that spacecraft on Kim Kardashian’s butt.”
This morning, he sent me this picture:
Happy Friday, Everyone!