On new or revisited territory. (Answering the 2019 bucket list question!)

I’ve been all over the place today, but I landed here eventually!

A few weeks ago, a few of you asked about any “bucket list” or “heart goals” I might have for 2019. One of you made this suggestion: “Try doing something you’ve never done before.” I love the wording of this. The idea is intriguing. What have I never done before that I’d want to do?

Thinking about it, it strikes me that bucket lists often revolve around travel/adventure/outdoors… places in the world to visit, daring outdoor escapades to try. Buckets and buckets full of adventures, wonders, and thrills.

If I had one, my bucket’s contents would be more of the indoor variety… indoor adventures, wonders, and thrills. I would plan consecutive stays at different haunted hotels and hunt for ghosts. I would sign up for a few sessions with a personal trainer, mostly just to see where I fall on the fitness scale and where I might go from here. I would get a percussion keyboard and get back into making beat-driven music. I would seek the services of a hypnotist to see what personal insights might be gained. What would be scarier – finding ghosts in hotels, or ghosts within myself or in my past?

I like to be scared in some ways. It makes no sense to deal with PTSD and search after fear at the same time, I know. I’m just curious… what’s my threshold of terror? Of pain? Who or what could help me to discover this?

What if my bucket list is all about facing personal so-called demons and confronting PTSD fears? Could I place a roach in my bucket and force myself to confront it? Could I go to Costco, or return to the sensory deprivation tank, or get into a helicopter… a medical one?

What have I never done before that I’d want to do?

At the end of my life, would I be more likely to lament, “I wish I’d taken that trip around the world,” or “I wish I’d faced my fears”…?

[With any self-exploration I do here in TALC, there’s this notion that some of it might be relatable to you… if only to one of you. That some of it might be helpful… if only to one of you, whether by epiphany or by inspiration.]

Joy and hope can be encountered and celebrated in the dark as much as in the light.

Now for those of you who inform me regularly that they love when people post gratuitous selfies, I’ve got one for you today. I have it because I posted it on instagram recently. The point of this odd pose was to demonstrate that I’ve gotten back into polishing my nails.