PSA. Because an airplane aisle pre-takeoff is like a clogged artery,

and people standing around have nothing better to do than look at what you’re reading. It’s human nature.

I was going to post this Public Service Announcement when I got back from California a few weeks ago, but I forgot and didn’t think of it again until I sorted through my magazines this weekend.

PSA:

If you seat yourself on an airplane and hurry to re-situate the stuff in your backpack (that you dumped justforasecond on the seat next you), DO NOT carelessly throw down your newly purchased January/February 2014 issue of Shape magazine, because while you’re busy wrestling with the things in your backpack, you might not notice if the magazine somehow falls open to page 146… and the flight attendant helpfully stowing other passengers’ bags in the overhead bin right above you happens to look down – along with everyone around her – to see the “Good Vibrations” article with its glorious display of colorful vibrators splayed out on your lap. Trust me on this and just take the extra second to make sure the magazine stays closed, because no matter how innovative their designs, vibrators are vibrators, and do you really need for everyone clustered around to see that particular article on your lap before you even know it’s there?

 

You know that people in airplanes check out what other people are reading... especially if it’s you, and this is lying open on your lap, and you're not aware of it. THANKS, Shape magazine. Fitness. Right.

You know that people in airplanes check out what other people are reading… especially if it’s you, and this is lying open on your lap, and you’re not aware of it. THANKS, Shape magazine. Fitness. Right.

 

You’re welcome.

Dear Fellow Airplane Passengers:

We wish we weren’t THOSE PEOPLE on your flight, but we are. We’re sick. Not only that, but we’re the worst kind of sick for flying – we’re coughing. Yes! Surprise! We are your in-flight airborne virus carriers… and we’re so sorry. It’s been cold and rainy here, and we caught this bug (of the sore/scratchy throat, coughing, losing our voice variety) from a neighbor just this last week. The timing couldn’t be worse, we know.

We’re uncomfortable, but we’re more concerned about you than about ourselves, really. It’s just unfair to have to sit on an airplane with sick people. Believe me when I say that we’ve been trying to speed up the healing process for your benefit. We’ve been to the doctor, who put us on a variety of medications. We gargle with hydrogen peroxide twice a day, trying to kill germs in our throats, and we’re taking lots of vitamin C. We’ve been eating fresh oranges. We’ve been drinking lots of water. We’ve been huddling up to the kerosene heater, keeping as warm as possible. We’ve also been resting a lot… even while having to get so much done in our last days here.

Laughter heals. We tried to watch the new Arrested Development, but so far, it’s failed to make us LOL (we gave it a good three-episode shot), so we’ve put that on hold and settled back into Hart of Dixie, which had started to drag a little toward the end of season one, but has blossomed into a fluffy delight in season two. It’s coming through with exactly the simple, cute lightness we need right now! And we love Rachel Bilson, who we think possesses good comedic timing and resembles a young and even prettier Brigitte Bardot. (Our opinion!)

 

Rachel Bilson

Rachel Bilson

 

So we’ve been trying. But we’re still coughing. You will give us dirty looks, and we will understand. We’ll try not to cough in your direction; we’ll keep our heads down. We loaded up our tablet with a zombie movie: Warm Bodies. Nothing like a zombie movie for traveling! That, and Kit-Kats.