In A/C update news, things are going swimmingly. The insulation will be blown in tomorrow, and the roof damage will be repaired in a couple of weeks. Voilà and YAY!
In health update news, adventures are afoot. I’ll be going out of town soon for a week’s worth of testing. There may be a few – non-traditional, I guess you could say? – reasons for some of the issues I’ve been experiencing, particularly in my brain. Guys, I recently wrote “oxymoron” rather than “redundancy” in a blog post title; I wasn’t too surprised when the mistake was brought to my attention, as this sort of thing’s been happening more and more frequently… not only in writing, but in speaking, too. I say the wrong/opposite words, miss/leave out words, butcher words, forget words completely, stumble over words and get physically lost around my speech, and/or put words in the wrong order… even when I’m talking to myself.
Sometimes, I can’t find words to say at all. I find an echo-less tunnel where the words used to be. My mind being an actual blank renders me actually speechless. This is especially frustrating when there’s a roomful of people looking at you in expectation of words coming out of your mouth.
There was that time at a party when I forgot how I met someone earlier, at the same party. We were introduced, we had a lengthy, substantial conversation, and when I ran into her again less than an hour later, I had no recollection of how I knew her. How we met. How we were introduced.
Moments pass and vanish from my memory like they never happened. It’s like I’d have to record everything in writing and in the moment in order to know about it in future moments.
All of this has been going on for a while, but it’s gotten worse these least few years. Too many minutes, words, and events have been sucked in and out of nothingness, and so testing has been scheduled. I’m incredibly grateful. I’m celebrating the circled date in my planner. I can’t wait to catch that flight to a facility where maybe someone can find my brain,
(among other things).
It’s just mystifying. I know that my emotional numbness comes from PTSD, but this? What is this?
I wish I could better explain all of this! Some of you must know exactly what this is like, though. No one is alone. I’m sorry, and yet I’m not. We’re unique, and yet we’re not.
On THAT note, please do enjoy a wonderful Friday Eve.