Things are moving along in the healing process as the bruises migrate down my neck. When Callaghan got home from work late this afternoon, he said that it looks worse than yesterday, but that’s, like, his opinion, man.
Here’s how the situation looked this morning less than five minutes after I woke up:
Post-op Day 7
The next surgery-related pics I’ll post will be of my actual gums, as some of you have requested. If the doctor lets me have copies of the “before” and “after” pics taken by his assistant, I’ll post those! I’ll see if I can include a selfie of my Frankenstein gums pre-suture removal, too.
There’s been no change in the pain these last few days, but I’m fine as long as I stay on my ibuprofen schedule. The bottle of oxycodone sits untouched on my dresser; I have no use for stuff that doesn’t work for me.
The one sensation that’s bothersome because nothing can alleviate it but time is the foreign-matter-plastered-over-my-gums one. (Not complaining. Just saying.)
As for the gym? At this point, I know that I’m not going to make it back to Body Pump this Saturday, as I’d hoped, or next week at all, for that matter. I’ll go back maybe the following week, which will be the last week of November, which will also be… Thanksgiving week. We’ll see. I just might wait until December to return to the gym, then, and you know what? I’m totally okay with that.
I’ve been working on home projects that’ve been nagging at me for months. Purging files, for instance. You know the feeling. You have copies of the taxes you filed more than 20 years ago just sitting in file boxes that are taking up space in your closet, and you spend months thinking I HAVE to go through ALL of my files and do a huge purge, and then life hands you a surgery, and your procrastinating ass is stuck at home looking at the files, and you’re out of excuses. It’s an awesome feeling, really. I’m getting so much done!
Food-wise, it’s all been good: every day I have a vanilla protein shake, a chocolate protein shake (both Vega); organic vegetable broth with whole grain Saltines for dunking, so they’re soft; organic vegan miso broth with tofu, green onions, and brown rice stirred in, so the rice is soft; plain, unsweetened coconut milk yogurt; and a smoothie made with frozen banana and berries; coconut water; chia seeds; and spinach.
The smoothie is where I get my fruit and veggies! I have a big spinach salad in smoothie form every day. The first three ingredients combined reach the blender’s halfway mark, and then I stuff the top half with as much baby spinach as will fit. It comes out like a super thick milkshake I can eat with a spoon, and it’s tasty! Callaghan enjoys it, too. We’ve cycled through daily smoothie phases before, and now we’re back at it. We fill our big Ninja blender to the top and share it.
I guess this counts as a change: I’m not hungry anymore. I still crave certain foods, but I feel satisfied and well-nourished with all the vitamins, minerals, protein, and complex carbs I’m consuming every day. I’m not lacking anything, and I look forward to the food I eat. After I get my stitches removed next week, I’ll graduate to chunky soups (lentil, split pea, veggie, etc.), so that will be different, yet.
And there you have it for today’s update. My stitches come out next week Tuesday, so I’ll post the gum pics that day.
First of all, you guys, the response to my last post about my gum grafting surgery was just totally unexpected and rad. Thank you all so much for your good wishes!
I’m happy to report that so far, my plan to make October a month of awesome and November a month of ghastly pain and discomfort is going very well. This makes me happy. I like when things go according to plan.
As expected, my face has been swollen, misshapen, and multi-hued, starting on the blue end of the spectrum on both sides. The left side of my face was more severely mangled. I’ve had a fat upper lip that’s prevented me from closing my mouth, which has caused my lip to crack and peel with dryness in spite of constant lip balm application. I haven’t gone out in public since the surgery, because I’d rather not have people stare and wonder WTF.
It’s getting better every day, so everything’s healing well! I noticed that the swelling had gone down a little when I woke up yesterday morning, and the hue of the bruising on my face had turned to a beautifully saturated yellow. I do indeed look like I’d been in a fight. If anyone were to see me and comment to that effect, I would say, “You should see the other guy. He’s a cadaver.” Which would be true.
Here’s a pic I took this morning:
Post-op Day 5
(It’s hard to see here, but the area beneath my jawbone is streaked purple. The other side of my face is also bruised.)
I wanted to tell you about the most interesting aspect of this surgery, though. I came up with this genius idea to do something that’d never occurred to me before: upon insertion of the I.V. anesthesia needle, I would remain as aware as possible so that I could analyze the feeling of going under, discover whether it would be possible to resist it, and determine at what point I wouldn’t be able to do that.
This scheme turned the anesthesia process into a bizarre and utterly surreal event.
Strenuously resisting the anesthesia and paying great attention to it made my descent into unconsciousness a jagged and mildly unnerving experience. It created a sensation of plummeting down from floor to floor within a tall building, bouncing off the staircase landings in between, my fall disrupted at intervals.
Feeling cemented to my back while dropping down distinct levels brought the vaguest sense of panic into my field of perception. It was panic so far removed, it was a mere echo, like a ghost in the ether – it was there, but it couldn’t approach. I simply concentrated on the feeling of falling through the center of my own being, pulled downward bit by bit through a widening black sinkhole that opened from my solar plexus while the surgeon’s murmurings faded into pointlessness, like post-apocalyptic static filtering through a surviving short-wave radio.
And then I woke up.
As cool as it was, I don’t think I’ll repeat this experiment when my next surgery comes around in April.
Back in the present, I’m working through pain and the unpleasant sensation of my gums suffocating beneath the cadaver tissue plastered over them. There’s this feeling that I’ve got a thick band of foreign matter wrapped around my gums, and it’s maddening. I want to reach in and rip it out. I know that my body is busy growing nerves and whatnot to connect everything together, but I wish it would hurry up!
My tongue has become accustomed to the feel of the suture knot behind my front teeth. The other thing I’m trying to disregard is the fact that I can’t brush my upper teeth at all. I’m using the medicinal cleansing solution given to me, but it doesn’t make my teeth feel clean. The nurse on the phone this morning reiterated that I can’t brush until after my stitches come out, because until then, the stitches are all that’s holding my gums together.
The stitches come out next week.
I’m famished.
Watching Zach Choi ASMR (YouTube) has been a keen exercise in self-torture, but I can’t help myself.
Foods I dream of shoveling into my mouth with shameless abandon:
Salad dripping with OLIVE OIL and red wine vinegar
Roasted Brussels sprouts and broccoli, also saturated with OLIVE OIL
Roasted, SALTED nuts
Pasta with GARLIC and OLIVE OIL
Pizza with vegan cheese, double mushrooms, double black olives, red onion, and also vegan chorizo (SALTY AND SPICY)
A huge bowl of Asian noodles with lots of veggies (SALTY AND SPICY)
Chips and salsa and vegan-cheese nachos with pickled jalapeños (CRUNCHY AND SALTY AND SPICY)
Also, APPLE CIDER VINEGAR… and I can’t wait to chew gum again! (Pun not intended.) I miss MINT. I want double the mint, double the everything.
[ahem]
Aside from chewing gum, I don’t want sweets at all, because most of what I’ve been consuming has been sweet/not-savory, and I’m definitely a salty/savory person. I’m planning the sides I’m going to make for Thanksgiving, and I’m hoping that my craving for salt doesn’t lead to me to over-season the dishes. Thanksgiving dinner will be the first “real food” meal I’ll have, and I have to remember that I won’t be the only one eating the food that I make.
October was splendiferous. I wanted it to be so, and I made it so with a little bit of strategic scheduling: I put off my oral surgery just a little bit longer. After postponing it for more than two years, how could another month matter much?
I had the surgery this morning, and because I’m immeasurably blessed, I spent the rest of the day and evening convalescing at the home of angels. They do not wish to be named, but “angels” will do. They picked me up early this morning to take me in, came to collect me afterward, and brought me home to their house. It was a two-hour surgery, and I was wiped out! I have no memory of my follow-up appointment being made, or of being taken to the car in a wheelchair. One minute I was getting an I.V. inserted, and the next minute I was in the car with an ice-pack.
Several hours post-op [7 November 2019]
Standard post-op pain notwithstanding, it feels so good to have had this done. Surgery wasn’t possible while I was taking certain meds, so I finally decided to stop taking them just long enough to do it and recover from it. Today was Surgery, Part 1. Part 2 will take place in the spring, and I’ll be sure to clear the temporary med-cessation aspect with my rheumatologist. I’m feeling properly contrite about having gone off my meds without consulting her first.
About the surgery, though!
I’d had no idea that such a thing existed as gum recession caused by extensive childhood orthodontia. My surgeon described the phenomenon with technical language and a diagram drawn and demonstrated in the air. Two years later, I don’t remember the details of the explanation – I just remember the words “flaring out” – but the nurse who fits me for my retainers summarized it simply as there was so much orthodontic movement happening in my bones when I was young and still growing that now, decades later, my gums have pulled back from my teeth.
I found basically nothing about this when I went to research it online, save for two studies that largely dispute the connection… not that we believe the internet to be a 100% reliable source of medical education.
In any case, my orthodontia was the orthodontia of the 70’s and 80’s; no doubt the technology’s evolved since then. I was an O.G. metal-mouth, the first one in my class. My nine-year orthodontic adventure started in 1976, when I was seven, and it unfolded in two phases between which I had two full sets of braces (first metal bands, then metal brackets), tooth extractions, both a neckgear and a headgear, “separators,” a “positioner,” rubber bands, and retainers. It was a lot. At one point during Phase 2, I had a full set of metal brackets, a full head-gear, and four rubber bands crisscrossing in my mouth from front to back all at once!
All of this was to correct an overbite and crooked teeth, and I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful and glad that it was even a possibility for me. I’m also glad that orthodontia looks different enough now that maybe children today won’t grow up to develop gums receding from teeth that had “flared out,” or whatever it was that supposedly happened as an orthodontic aftereffect.
In this morning’s surgery, the doctor fixed my upper gums by grafting cadaver tissue over them. (He’ll do the lower ones in the spring.) He’s going to remove my stitches in two weeks. I can’t work out at all for at least a week, he said, and it’ll be a month before I can go back to eating the way I normally do.
Right now, of course, the pain is super real. I feel like I’ve been K.O’d, and I can barely open my mouth. This will happen when your jaws are pried open and held open for two hours! I can’t smile or really move my face at all, I’m drinking water and liquid food through my teeth, and I’m wondering how I’m going to get through the month without losing weight.
But again, I have no complaints. I’m truly so fortunate that I’m able to have these surgeries. Life is good.
October’s short horror posts left little room for daily-life or other content here, so all that kind of thing will pick up again henceforth. First, a look back at the little things I enjoyed in the tenth month of the year!
I bring to you a few films, a streaming T.V. series, some food items, skin care, and make-up. As usual, the food items are vegan (plant-based), and the skin care and cosmetic items are vegan (no animal ingredients) and cruelty-free (not tested on animals). I’ve also got a song/music video for you this time!
All of the viewables on this list are horrific in their unique and unexpected ways, might I add. Altogether, they amplified everything I love about October. It was a good “favorites” month, for sure.
Without further ado!
1). Joker
It’s always satisfying when a movie I’m anticipating exceeds my expectations. Joker accomplished this in brutally raw fashion. Joaquin Phoenix acted the hell out of this character, a comic book villain who didn’t seem like one, at all, because the film didn’t come across as a comic book film. Joker is a very real, very human story… a story about the making of a monster.
2). Parasite (Gisaengchung)
Parasite was brought to life by Bong Joon Ho, the genius behind Okja (Netflix); like Okja, Parasite is a masterpiece. It’s also scarce. If you can find this Korean film in a theater within your reach, I’d 100% approve of your decision to chase it down. Be prepared for a dramedy that gets pretty dark!
3). Suspiria (Amazon Prime Video)
Suspiria had been on my “to watch” list for months, so when it came to my attention that it was available on Amazon Prime Video, I wasted no time. Incidentally, this horror remake features Tilda Swinton, who was also in Okja, the brilliant film created by the guy who did Parasite (above). I’m convinced that Tilda Swinton’s otherworldly talent makes Suspiria creepier than it would be been without her, but the story’s creep-factor is solid.
4). Creepshow (Shudder Original Series)
I believe I’ve already raved about this Shudder Original Series somewhere in a past post. Creepshow is horror I’d characterize as good fun. Highly recommend!
5). Marilyn Manson’s cover of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” (and official video)
Thick in this current cycle of my Marilyn Manson obsession, Manson went and dropped a cover of my favorite folk song, “God’s Gonna Cut You Down.” I popped the video into this post so that you may appreciate the man’s cutting and creeptastic artistic vision, as well. Manson growls out the song’s darkness in glorious Manson form – he digs his own grave and buries himself alive – though the song is plenty dark on its own. (Johnny Cash’s chilling version is still my favorite. Manson’s is a close second.)
Allow me to take this minute to whine about missing Marilyn Manson’s show when he played here on Sunday night. YES – Marilyn Manson performed at the Van Buren downtown two nights ago, and where was I? NOT THERE, that’s where. Not only that, but he performed “God’s Gonna Cut You Down,” which he’d dropped in conjunction with his tour. I’m dying. Anyway.
(I’ve decided to start including the ingredients of my food favorites, so you can see what you’d be putting into your body were you to eat these things.)
I’ve tried several varieties of Mighty Manna’s delicious, dense, sticky-sweet breads, but this carrot raisin one is my favorite so far. I love it for breakfast! I cut the bread into thick slabs and bake a couple of them in the toaster oven until the outside edges are slightly crisp, and then I slather them with organic almond butter.
I’m incorporating more gluten into my diet these days, but I’m choosing sprouted grains as much as possible. So far, so good.
This almond milk cream cheese is so light and creamy!! I’ve enjoyed Kitehill’s vegan cream cheese in the past, but I don’t remember it being like this (though it was also amazing).
Nourish Organic Lightweight Moisturizing Face Lotion
Between this product and the cosmetic item below, you’ll see what I mean when I say that I generally spend more money on skin care than I do on make-up. I love Nourish Organic’s products, so I wasn’t surprised to find that I love this face lotion.
I had to blink the first time I put this on and looked in the mirror; I could not believe what I was seeing. This liquid concealer seemed to effortlessly erase the dark circles under my eyes. e.l.f. continues to astound me… it’s sorcery, what they do. I’ve used pricey concealers by Urban Decay, Tarte, and NARS, and they were all good, but e.l.f.’s humble little $6.00 concealer is my holy grail of concealers. It’s PURE MAGIC.
On that note, I’ll close out this list… it’s a good and appropriate note for October.
I have a story to tell you, mostly in pics. We’re talking about my office. We’re talking about how I thought the antique mirror was haunted, and then I didn’t, and then I did, and then I didn’t, again. That’s where we are now. I do believe that something in my office is haunted, but I don’t think it’s the mirror. I think it’s my print of Canterbury Cathedral. I guess it’s possible that the arrival of the mirror brought out the haunting, because I didn’t see it before the mirror arrived, but there’s no way to know.
Going back, then: At the end of September, I photographed my office to death so that I could show it to you in my updated office tour post, in the process of which I took a plethora of pics of my thrifted Canterbury Cathedral print. The print was the most important element. I wove my “Anglo-Saxon Ecclesiastical Gothic/Haunted Cathedral” décor theme around it, after all.
You may recall how in that office tour post, I explained that Canterbury Cathedral is haunted by the ghosts of those who were murdered there, most famously that of Archbishop Thomas Becket. Going through the pics in deciding which ones to include in my post, I noticed a strange occurrence in a few of them. My dear friend Caroline convinced me that today, Halloween, would be an ideal day to share them with you. She was right, of course. First, though, let’s have a look at the beautiful Canterbury Cathedral from the outside:
[pic from KentLive.news: “The 13 most haunted places in Canterbury and the spine-chilling stories behind them”]
Here’s my print:
Thrifted Canterbury Cathedral print
Getting down to it now, I’ll have you focus on this print detail – this is the same pic I’d posted in my office tour post:
Nothing amiss here.
And finally, we arrive at the pics in question, which came from a different series of shots. May I just say that it’s gratifying to know that Callaghan shares my incredulity over these? I didn’t understand what I was seeing as I scrolled through these pics. Neither did he. Neither did Caroline. There are varying degrees of skepticism amongst we three, but we’re all baffled. We all agree that these pics defy explanation.
Like 99% of my pics, these are completely untouched. I captioned them to point out the oddities within:
Faint white shape on the wall above the stairs; blueish haze slightly above and to the right
The shape on the wall becomes bolder, while the blueish haze becomes more faint
The shape and the blue haze vanish, and a bright white crescent shape appears, seeming to float up into the dark of the cathedral ceiling
The crescent becomes a slash with a bright spot toward its left end, and the faint blueish haze appears again at the top of the conjoined pillars to the left
The blueish haze becomes fainter and drifts higher as the white slash in the center thins out
The white shape comes back, but now it’s at the top of the arch, much brighter than before, and more defined against a white square background; the blueish haze appears above and behind it to the left with a window pane imprint
Also, this last pic is more blueish in tone overall.
This is all quite inexplicable.
That weird shape, for one thing… it’s kind of like a cell phone, but my phone doesn’t look like that. It also reminds me a bit of the Instagram logo, but it doesn’t look like that, either:
[My phone on the left, Insta logo on the right]
The shape in the picture doesn’t match either of these things. It’s not a reflection of my phone. It’s not an imprint of the instagram logo on my phone. So what is it? What is all of this?
Callaghan and I have studied the print from the same vantage point and at the same time the pics were taken; we’ve looked around to consider lighting, the objects in the room, whether there could have been a reflection, etc., and we came up with nothing. Callaghan is an artist and designer who knows his way around images. He examined the print to see if there’s a watermark or something else lying within or beneath the paper. Nothing.
The twelfth century cathedral is a famous pilgrimage site where Thomas Becket, the Archbishop of Canterbury from 1161 to 1170, was murdered.
However, the ghost of another murdered Archbishop, Simon Sudbury, is said to walk the Cathedral.
Killed by Wat Tyler, the head of the Peasant’s revolt, in 1381, Sudbury’s pale and bearded ghost haunts the tower named after him.
Interestingly, despite the fact that the ex-Archbishop’s head was buried in a different place from his body, he does not appear as a headless ghost.
He actually appears as a solitary figure, dressed in grey robes and is often seen haunting a bedroom in the tower, reportedly tucking the occupant in at night.
There is a passage in the cathedral known as the ‘Dark Entry’ which is thought to be haunted by the ghost of Nell Cook, who was a servant of a canon (priest) at the cathedral.
Nell was furious with her boss after discovering his affair, she poisoned the canon and his mistress with tainted food.
As punishment for her crime, Nell was buried alive beneath the ‘Dark Entry’ and her spirit haunts the passageway on dark Friday evenings.
According to legend, anyone who is unfortunate enough to see the ghost of Nell Cook will die soon after.
The cathedral is also said to be haunted by a monk who can be seen walking in the cloisters with a thoughtful expression on his face.
Having considered everything, the easiest explanation for the occurrences in my pictures is that the print of the haunted cathedral is itself haunted, in the sense that something was picked up by the photographer’s lens. I’ve taken numerous other pics of this print, and only the ones above show “activity.” That this activity was revealed after I brought the antique mirror home is probably a coincidence. It may be a fanciful stretch to say that there might be a connection, but I’m saying it anyway, because it is possible. Also, it’s Halloween, and I guess this post amounts to a ghost story.
In any case, I adore this print. I love having it next to me as I sit here and write, and I’m dreaming of the day we can go to Kent, England to visit Canterbury and take a ghost tour of the village – including and especially Canterbury Cathedral!
I’ll leave you in proper spirit with the theme song from Halloween, my favorite classic horror film.
Alas, we’ve arrived at the end of this year’s Short Horror October series.
One thing I love about a short film is that its length makes it easily re-watchable. This next (penultimate!) horror short begs for re-watching, as it’s heavily symbolic. My own thought is that the guests around the dinner table are of more significance than the food that’s on the table.
This beautifully filmed, multiple award-winning French Canadian film is called Next Floor.
This brings us to the last short film I’m posting in this year’s series!
The Herd is age-restricted for potentially challenging content. It’s not pretty, but it’s a brilliant horror film that’s worth watching to the end of its 16 minutes.
And that, as they say, wraps it up. I hope you enjoyed this year’s Short Horror October series as much as I did! I’m already counting down to next October… but you knew that.
Happy Friday Wednesday Eve, my friends. (Thank you for correcting me, Caroline!)
Well, I can’t believe we’re down to only two more blog post days in October. We’ve got next week Tuesday and Thursday, and that’s it. Thursday is Halloween! I’d planned to do a Halloween post for you sans horror short, but I changed my mind because I wanted an opportunity to post two more films, and then I changed my mind back (convinced by a friend that I ought to do the Halloween post on Halloween), and so – long story long – my last horror short post for this year will be on Tuesday. I’ll still post two more films, though! I’ll put them both in Tuesday’s post.
Today’s horror short, Instinct, is one that I find to be nearly perfect… that is to say, I think it’s a stunning work of cinematic art. Please note that the film features some nudity, but it’s brief, tastefully done, and not at all gratuitous. A little research revealed that Instinct has been viewed in over 30 film festivals, and it’s won 12 awards, but I’d already decided that you had to see it.
I’ve been so immersed in the glories of October that I almost forgot about a Halloween costume! I didn’t realize it until yesterday at the gym when a few of us were talking about maybe coming to class in costume next week. Callaghan and I have no plans for Halloween this year, after all… unless I were to count Body Pump as a Halloween plan?! Should I get into costume just for the gym? Hmm.
Today’s Short Horror October film, Jameson, was written and directed by John Humber, and it stars Brad Carter (Ascension, Sons of Anarchy, True Detective). I’m excited to share this one with you. I’m uninterested in zombie films for the most part, but every now and again I find myself caught off-guard by a fresh specimen of the genre.
Quick story-time: I missed Monday’s workout. Why? Because when I pulled up the bedroom window blinds that morning, the whole apparatus fell off the wall and crashed down onto the back of my left hand, which was resting on the dresser beneath. I felt it, and it didn’t feel great. A bruise appeared instantly and my fingers tingled as my hand swelled up, so I found myself going to urgent care instead of to the gym.
Point being, this was the second time in six weeks that my house attacked me. First, it tried to chop off my foot, and now it’s tried to crush my hand. Can’t wait to see what it does next.
Let’s get on with the purpose of this post, though! I have another excellent horror short to share with you this lovely October night: The Blue Door.
The Blue Door is a British short horror film starring Gemma Whelan, an actress you may recognize from Game of Thrones.
This second horror short in our series, Widow, is one of my favorites. Steven J. Mihaljevich wrote, directed, and edited the film in Perth, Australia.
Widow is rated MA 15+ (minimum age to watch unaccompanied by an adult is 15), a classification that cautions of material “strong in impact.” Examples of this given on the Australian government’s (Department of Communications and the Arts) website are sex and drug use, neither of which figures significantly in this film. There are no sex scenes at all, and the extent of the drug use is merely the protagonist taking sleeping pills. You won’t find violence or excessive gore in Widow, either. The horror is psychological; in terms of being “strong in impact,” I can only say that yes, Widow is superb, and therefore it is harrowing. Mihaljevich left no room for dead space in its 14 minutes and 39 seconds. Every second is meaningful, resulting in a cinematic density rarely found in the horror genre. Such density is a defining aim in the making of short movies, in general, and Mihaljevich smashes it.
Ahem. I have an important Public Service Announcement before I jump into our first Short Horror October post. TAKE NOTE! Creepshow (2019), a Shudder Original Series, has arrived, and I’m sorry that I’m just now telling you about it. You’ll see this anthology horror series listed in my October Favorites post, but what good would it do to find out about it in November? Creepshow is glorious, campy, spooktacular fun that’s perfect for right now, in October, as Halloween approaches.
Shudder gives us new episodes on Thursdays. With two unique stories within each episode, you’re all set if you have just half an hour at a time to escape into a complete comic book horror story. The animated character who presents the stories is quite a character, by the way, and the stories are told wonderfully as comics come to life. We’re so into this series, we’re impatient for the new episode each week. We’re three episodes in as of today.
In case you’re not familiar with it, Shudder is an online streaming service mainly for horror content, but you’ll also have thrillers, suspense, mystery, etc. at hand. A Shudder subscription is only $5.00/month, and less than that if you get a one-year subscription! (This is not a sponsored post. I just can’t keep Creepshow to myself. You’re welcome.)
Now for Short Horror October post number 1!
(Bloody Kisses, haha)
I’m thrilled to finally start posting short horror films again! I’ve been watching them all summer (okay, spring and summer) in anticipation of the decision-making challenge. This year, you’ll find many of my picks to be thought-provoking, layered in meaning, and fleshed-out with metaphor and symbolism… the kind of films you’ll want to give a second viewing. Many of them represent the psychological horror sub-genre.
Today’s short horror film, however, is a simple one, and time-wise, it’s on the shorter end of short horror. It’s best to watch this film – all of these short horror films – in the dark! Dark is more visible in the dark. Don’t ponder that. Just enjoy The Coatmaker:
You must be wondering where you are, because this isn’t a Short Horror October post. I’m surprised, too. It’s just that Geronimo went to the vet yesterday for his pre-hibernation exam, and I couldn’t neglect to share his report card with you, now, could I? I WOULD BE REMISS.
First of all, we can say with absolute certainty that Geronimo stole every single heart in that clinic.
Initial assessment: Geronimo weighs exactly 13 lbs. His nostrils are “nice and clear,” his eyes are “clear and bright,” and he has no stones in his bladder or elsewhere. (He’s so beautiful! He looks so healthy!) We didn’t have a fresh fecal sample to bring as requested, but once in our room at the clinic, he pooped on the floor, right on cue. You know you’re real parents when you’re proud of your kid pooping.
When Geronimo’s lab results came in this morning, they showed that he’s free of G.I. parasites. No worms! This was the last piece of info we needed to have him officially deemed healthy for brumation (hibernation).
Dr. R. was pleased and delighted overall.
Geronimo did his Geronimo thing and charmed everyone. He easily bewitched Doctor R., who was again impressed with his personable and affectionate nature. She noted how he asked us to pet his head, nose, and neck, leaning into our hands and stretching his neck from one side to the other to get equal attention on both sides. According to her, many desert tortoises don’t care to be touched at all. “They’ll pull their heads in when you go to touch them,” she said. “You must spend a lot of time with Geronimo.” We do, indeed, not to mention AGAIN that we really bonded with the little guy when we had to keep him indoors, entertained, and out of trouble during hibernation season that first year. Last year. Yeah, that was a lot of bonding.
[/medical report]
Geronimo’s been extra active and feisty lately! One morning last week I went out to investigate a commotion I’d heard from my office – it sounded like glass breaking, but it couldn’t be that, could it? – and found him marching all over the patio amidst furniture he’d moved, yard tools he’d knocked over, and, yes, glass he’d managed to find and break. I didn’t even know there was glass out there. It must have been a jar or something on the table, which he’d pushed over.
You would think we’d have learned by now: we have to child-proof every corner of his domain. Geronimo is like a Roomba tank. He goes where he wants to go and sweeps aside everything in his way. He’s quite focused, though he does deviate from his path when he sees us appear in the yard.
Yesterday, he changed course to greet me on the patio when I stepped out there later in the morning. He stopped at my feet for cuddles before turning in the direction of his burrow. Knowing full well where he was going, I asked the question I ask him the most, a question familiar to him: “Where are we going, Geronimo?” (This is our game – he loves to lead me around.) He headed to his burrow knowing that I was following. When we got there, he stopped for his “good night” cuddles, and then he went into his burrow, all the way in and down into its depths. “Good night, Geronimo,” I said to his disappearing butt, as usual. “Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
Here are some pics we took after we got home from his appointment yesterday:
My little lap tortoise.
[Note to self: get estimate for sprucing up the patio with pavers]
Eating lettuce on my lap.
Cuddles!
Crunchy, watery, cold GOODNESS
Time to wander the yard!
“Where are we going, Geronimo?”
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Some pics I took this morning:
Hello!
(I was sitting on the patio in my usual spot on the ground)
HELLO, MOMMY. I AM HERE.
Hello.
Hello.
(If we have a theme for our yard, it’s either “Geronimo’s Paradise” or “Edward Gorey’s Evil Garden.” I like them both equally.)
Many changes took place in our house over the summer. It’s basically a different house now, in more ways than I care to describe at the moment. This moment is the moment of my office, and it’s about time!
When my office had brown walls, brown carpet, and a brown ceiling fan, I loved having my plant family as my only décor. My desk was in the center of the room, facing the window. I was surrounded by greenery. It was earthy and calming.
After we re-carpeted the bedrooms, re-painted the walls, and replaced the ceiling fans, we had gray carpeting, white walls, and white ceiling fans. Gone were the cozy earth tones that yet made the house feel smaller and my pictures look strange with inconsistent lighting.
Facing the blank slate of my office inspired me to rearrange the furniture, and also to decorate. The changes put me in the mood to create a theme!
I had nothing particular in mind when I happened upon this framed black-and-white print of England’s Canterbury Cathedral at the Goodwill. I was elated. This is a gorgeous interior shot, and I found the picture to be in excellent condition.
Canterbury Cathedral print
Print detail
I carried the $5.00 print to the check-out thinking of the spirits that inhabit the famous Anglican cathedral in Canterbury. I thought of my old copy of Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. I had all kinds of ideas in mind.
Canterbury Cathedral is a stunning monument of Gothic architecture, so all things considered, the vision came easily: “Anglo-Saxon Ecclesiastical Gothic,” or “Haunted Cathedral,” to get more to the point. The theme also pays tribute to my English side. I’ve recognized my Japanese side in past décor themes, but never my English side.
[My French husband has no comment. He’s always joked that he “only hates half of me” – the half that isn’t Japanese. He’s a bit miffed now that there’s an Anglo-Saxon-themed room in the house, but it’s my office, after all.]
It was early in July when I found this print. I slowly began to collect things. My “Summer office updates” got pushed into the next season, but it was worth it to wait for stores to fill up their “occasion” aisles with Halloween décor. I’m glad that I waited, too, because I was able to find that mysterious antique mirror on Craigslist. The Gothic design-inspired mirror works beautifully in this theme. It matches the architecture of Canterbury Cathedral.
Canterbury Cathedral is haunted by the ghost of Archbishop Thomas Becket and those of several others who were murdered there, but I did not create a murder scene in my office.
I do believe that the antique mirror is haunted, though…. (More on this later.)
The first item I picked up for my theme was this cathedral stained glass tapestry from an artist on Etsy. I’ll take you around the office from there, starting with my desk corner and going clockwise around the room. Enjoy!
Cathedral stained glass tapestry
Desk corner
(I stacked my two low bookcases to make a hutch behind my desk. The décor you see here is on the hutch part.)
Desk-facing wall
Relevant texts
(A few of the English literature textbooks I’ve refused to let go.)
Literary skulls
Area behind me as I sit at my desk
Desk corner wall, right side
Antique trunk
(I got this trunk in Germany back when it was West Germany, but we’ll just pretend that I got it in England.)
Skull and crow
Green bat bottle and icy purple pumpkin
Antique mirror with black roses
Clock and more plants
A better look at the clock – 2:45am
(I took this pic at almost three o’clock in the morning. I was still up because I’d decided to make a pie in the middle of the night. I’d just finished it.)
(Also, this was a plain, white clock. I arranged a black satin ribbon around it and made the pendulum with a couple of fake roses.)
Shirt and gargoyle
(This t-shirt currently up on my closet door is one of two departures from the theme. It’s just the message I need to see in my office right now.)
Gargoyle (Grendel)
(The gargoyle above the t-shirt, though, is Grendel from the Anglo-Saxon epic poem Beowulf.)
Buddha fountain
(Buddha fountain – the second departure from my theme.)
Hats and bags, behind-door hooks
(The two bags between which I’m currently alternating.)
Cat doorknocker
(This brings us back around to the tapestry in my desk corner.)
Desk wall with doorknocker (night)
Center of the room (night)
Desk wall at night
Desk at night
(The only picture I took of my actual desk, I realized!)
This is where I’m sitting right now, and we’ve arrived at The End. I hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you’re interested in where I got some of the décor pieces. It was all very affordable.
All I can say about this list is that it means OCTOBER has arrived. It’s already been very Octoberish! September lives on in my continuing love for the items on this list, but OCTOBER, okay.
Let’s get on with it, shall we?
1). Savage X Fenty Show (Amazon Prime)
I put Rihanna’s Savage X Fenty (lingerie by Rihanna) Show at the top of this list because it’s the best thing I saw in September, and one of the best things I’ve seen all year, and maybe even one of the best things I’ve seen ever. Here’s my opinion in the wake of our watching this superb and mesmerizing production: Victoria’s Secret should just go ahead and file for bankruptcy, because what are they doing, exactly? I’ve yawned while watching their lingerie fashion show. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Rihanna’s lingerie fashion show. We’re all in it… you, me, everyone. Rihanna wants you to know that her lingerie is designed for YOU, but even if you don’t wear lingerie, you won’t want to miss this magnificent show. Amazon Prime, guys. Go see the Savage X Fenty Show if you haven’t already. (RUN, don’t walk!)
2). Marianne (Netflix)
Here is where September got very Octoberish. We just recently started watching French horror series Marianne on Netflix; we’re only on the third episode, but we’re not sitting around waiting for the series to get scary. We were good and thoroughly horrified one minute into episode one, and that is no exaggeration. October’s off to a great start.
3). Black Spot (Zone Blanche) S2 (Netflix)
Also in September, we discovered that season two of this excellent French thriller series is available on Netflix, and we found that its story’s paranormal aspect has been heightened. Octoberish!
I made a couple of fabulous candy bar energy/protein bar discoveries in September, both from Luna Bar: their Creamy Dreamy Peanut Butter flavor, and their Chocolate Peppermint Stick flavor (below). Love these!
Having cycled back into an oatmeal phase, I’ve been enjoying ThinkThin’s Original Sprouted Grains Oatmeal. It’s yummy and wholesome and 10 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber and what more could you want in oatmeal? It’s great with a spoonful of peanut butter, too.
My assessment of this sauce is that it’s basically a thin wasabi based on Jalapeño rather than on horseradish. A dab on the finger suggests more heat than flavor, but added to nachos, it’s great flavor!
Birch Benders Plant Protein Pancake and Waffle Mix
YUM.
I love browsing supermarket aisles and discovering convenient foods (aka fast food you prepare at home) of solid nutritional value. Birch Benders Plant Protein Pancake and Waffle mix gives you 10 grams of protein per serving… and who eats just one serving? These just-add-water pancakes are delicious.
I had my three-hour neuropsych evaluation at the V.A. last week. As in Palo Alto back in June, it constituted an exhausting mental gymnastics meet from start to finish, though it was even more in-depth. The battery of tests revealed that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with my brain functioning.
Looking at a range of results typical for people my age, I came out average to above-average on every section of the evaluation; that is, my brain performs as average in most categories, and better than average in several others. This is a relief.
It gives me no excuse, though.
Having found that nothing is going awry with my brain in any biological sense, I’ve self-diagnosed: I’m a ditz. I’m sometimes forgetful, sometimes scattered; I sometimes get preoccupied and lose things and lose track of things. And here I thought I only had the hair of a stereotypical absentminded professor!
(This last week, I managed to lose a new box of Kleenex. I remember removing the cardboard tab from the box and putting it in the recycle bin. A little while later, I went to get a tissue, and I couldn’t find the box. Going all over the house in search of it led to nothing.)
My appointment was last week Friday. It was September 20th, but the V.A. was already getting festive, I was pleased to find. I happened upon these skeleton earrings for $8.00 in the V.A. retail store. Of course I had to buy them and put them on immediately and take a pic! Incidentally, I’ve discovered that the best lighting for selfies in my house is in the dining room side of my kitchen.
Skeleton earrings, plus the Marilyn Manson tee you haven’t seen:
Skeleton earrings from the V.A. retail store
(Skeleton earrings – a closer look)
At any rate, the case of my brain is officially closed. This is me wrapping it up for you. We can now forget this ever happened. Knowing me, I’ll have forgotten by the time you read this.
Happy Friday Eve… and hey! I just realized that this is my last post of September. I’ll share my September Favorites list on Tuesday, and after that, it’s SHORT HORROR OCTOBER, my friends. I’ll preface the series with my updated office tour… yeah, the one I’ve been talking about for the last three months… but that’ll be appropriate for the season.
It’s fall, and Geronimo’s been out in the mornings. He’s also been out in the late afternoons, except for the one day he was supposed to go to his pre-hibernation appointment at the clinic, of course. We went out to get him, couldn’t find him, and eventually discovered him chilling in the back of his burrow, looking out at us through sleepy eyes. He was too tired to go to the doctor, he said. That’s okay, we’ll re-schedule you, we said. (We made it a morning appointment this time.)
For those of you who haven’t met our silly, feisty, lovable, and ridiculously adorable Sonoran desert tortoise, I’ve whipped up a snapshot in words.
Name: Geronimo
Date of birth: c. 1998
Hometown: Sonoran desert
Likes: snacking; digging; greeting people; taking showers; playing in the (outdoor) laundry room, and getting loved on with lots of pets and cuddles
Dislikes: barriers, car rides, and being told he can’t go where he wants to go
Occupation: armored perimeter guard (works a second job as a greeter)
Special skill: yardwork (mowing the lawn and weeding)
Shoe size: extra-wide
Favorite food: hibiscus flowers and Romaine lettuce
Favorite color: magenta
Favorite band: Soundgarden
Favorite T.V. series: Arrested Development
Favorite movies: The Hunger, Transformers, and Tank Girl
Favorite season: spring/fall
Favorite weather: summer rain
Favorite books: Bunnicula, War and Peace, and 100 Years of Solitude
Favorite sport: climbing
Favorite person: yes
Favorite word: “Hello”
Now I’ve got a series of actual snapshots, all taken this morning. As usual, Geronimo only has one thing to say to you: “Hello.” Greeting people is one of his favorite things to do, after all.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
ETA: Bonus pic! I forgot to include this one.
Hello.
He has a lot of “hellos” to say after a long summer mostly underground during human waking hours. He’s catching up, though. He’s good at that.
The End.
p.s. I’d planned to include videos in this post, but I’ve been foiled by technical difficulties. Apologies for that! I had some good ones, too. Something’s changed, and I have to figure out what. If I can’t, I’ll find another way. We shall have our Geronimo vid clips!
…when you have a Body Pump substitute instructor who allows the class to vote out the shoulder track, and your outnumbered ass leaves feeling like you did an incomplete workout, because you did (you didn’t have time to work shoulders on your own), but then the following week’s sub for the same class makes up for it 500% on account of doing the shoulder track and being one of the best instructors ever, regardless.
…when the changing weather brings your scale-baby out of his burrow twice a day, morning and late-afternoon, and you spend as much time with him as possible because mother/tortoise bonding time is important and he needs to eat all of his favorite lettuce and whatever hibiscus flowers can be found on the bushes this late in the season.
—when you’re on a long drive with your friend and your conversation turns to the critical matter of vampires who unknowingly dine on the blood of humans infected with zombie virus, and you debate whether they’re vampire-zombies or zombie-vampires, and you discuss the details of how they’d do life as double-undeads in either case.
…when you’re feeling festive so you dye your hair darker and polish your nails a celestial shade and pick up an antique, haunted mirror and thrift a fake purplish-black pumpkin coated in fake frost that you know will look rad in your office, and it does, in your opinion.
—when you rearrange your favorite soundcloud playlist as appropriate for the season, because summer is officially over in FOUR DAYS, so it’s already Halloween, and no argument is valid.
I have an update on last week Tuesday’s post topic! My friend Margaret offered to take me to get the haunted mirror, and so we went… and we made a whole splendiferous day of it. That was Sunday. Now that the mirror is home and the listing has been removed from Craigslist, I can tell you that it was down in Tucson. What casual visitor doesn’t love a Sunday on Fourth Avenue in Tucson? That whole town’s got a great vibe.
Gargoyle above Tucson’s Sacred Art Tattoo on 4th
(No, Mom, I didn’t get another tattoo. Haha.)
Traffic was good, so it took just less than two hours to get there. Tuscon is 101 miles south of my house, and Sedona is 100 miles north, but it takes a little longer to get to Sedona because of the terrain and altitude of the high desert. The drive to Sedona usually ends up being almost exactly two hours long.
Restroom/junk food stop on the way to Tucson
Let me tell you about the mirror, though! It’s a beauty. It’s an authentic antique, said my antique expert friend and partner-in-crime, and I’ve currently got it leaning against the wall on my antique German trunk. I think I’ll leave it there.
“Very old mirror” in my office
In case you were wondering, never fear – I do plan to follow up on my threats to present an updated office tour. It’s coming together, this place. It’s very nearly finished. My décor theme is “haunted cathedral,” and this mysterious little mirror fits in perfectly! I’ve been waiting for Halloween season to arrive in all its commercial glory so I could find inexpensive finishing touches to add. (As far as I’m concerned, Halloween season is when you buy “occasion” stuff for year-round.) This mirror, though, is a piece of high quality. I haven’t seen evidence of possession yet, but it definitely looks like it has stories to tell.
“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”
…is a true statement, and also antithetical to pursuing goals, when you think about it from a certain angle.
I haven’t achieved all of my goals yet, but I will one day… and then what? What happens when you’ve achieved everything you’ve set out to achieve? What do you do then?
I’ve flippantly said that I’d die without goals, and in my darkest moments, I’ve believed it. Something’s shifted in my thinking this summer, though, and now, with the season changing and the year just about 3/4 over, I’m approaching my 51st birthday thinking that goals don’t matter as much anymore. How can they matter when I’ve been busy discovering how crazy exhilarating it is to conquer the present moment?
Let me tell you, it’s been so damn satisfying and fun making changes rather than running after goals. I guess what I’m saying, really, is that once I get my shit together, then I can laser-focus on future goals. That’s where I’ve been. I’ve been in the moment, but I haven’t been floating along in it all serene and zen. I’ve been shaking it up.
I still have goals for the future, of course, but I like what I’m doing right now. I don’t want “life to happen while I’m making other plans.”
Onward!
I’ve got the following slew of pics because I heard you when you said that you wanted to see: selfies of me in tees not included in my t-shirt post, pics of me with Geronimo, and more than one selfie at a time. I tried, anyway. I took all of these pics late this afternoon! The lighting is different in the interior pics because change of location means a change of natural lighting, and I don’t care to spend time messing with my selfies to make them look differently. I take it, I post it, that’s it. I’m wearing a Nine Inch Nails shirt today.
This one’s in my office – I’m sitting at my desk (with my back to it), and there’s a glow on the left side of my face from the pink salt lamp just below:
In my office
This next one is in my dining room, which is brighter and warmer in tone than my office. Yeah, I’m as awkward as ever holding a selfie stick. Eh.
In the dining room
Here’s my first attempt at getting a selfie with Geronimo! I had to point the phone down in order to get him in the picture.
With my scale-baby!
Callaghan took this one. You can’t really see Geronimo’s face, because the whole pic is hazy with the late-afternoon sun behind us. In fact, now that I look at it, can you even tell that he’s a tortoise?! I’ll work on these pics with Geronimo, for sure.
Someone on Craigslist is selling an antique wall mirror, which caught my eye with its unusual design. I found it to be precious and intriguing. I love antiques.
According to the ad text, the petite mirror has been in the seller’s family for at least three generations, but the seller knows nothing more about it. They’re asking for $25.00.
If you know me, you know the first thing I thought, right? Haunted mirror! The second thing I thought was I must have it.
Take a look:
antique wall mirror
The alluring ad text reads:
Very old wall mirror. It has been in my family for at least 3 generations but I know nothing else about it. Frame is wood , handle is metal and it measures 26 1/2 inches long and 7 3/4 inches wide. 25.00 . Call if interested. No texts.
I place the call. After several rings, the call goes to voice mail. A woman picks up as I’m leaving my brief message. She has trouble hearing me, she says. She’s “getting a strange vibration on the line,” and could I call her back?
Of course I can!
My second call goes directly to voice mail; I hang up without leaving a message. When I try a third time two minutes later, the same woman answers. The connection is better, but my inquiry mystifies her. “A mirror? On Craigslist?” She turns away from her phone and calls: “Someone is asking about a mirror…? On Craigslist?”
She puts her mouth back to the phone and tells me that I’ll have to speak with her husband, because she has no idea about the mirror.
The husband gets on the phone and confirms that the mirror is still for sale. He kindly answers my next question by repeating the verbiage in the ad, but he also shares that the mirror had belonged to his grandmother’s aunt. They’d found it in her house. This information stirs up my imagination even more, because now there’s a grandmother’s aunt in the picture! The mirror is getting spookier by the moment.
Unfortunately, the seller and his bewitching mirror are two hours away.
Lamenting the mileage between us, I wonder out loud whether he thinks the mirror might be available for the foreseeable future (no pun intended). The seller gives a dry chuckle as he remarks, “Well, I’ve only had two calls about this mirror. There’s been very little interest in it in four months.”
Why aren’t the callers going through with the sale? The mirror is only $25.00!
Now I want the mirror even more.
Two weeks later, the mirror is still up for sale, and distance remains the issue. I’m not sure that I have four hours to spend in a car going to pick up a mirror. Four hours round-trip to retrieve a mirror could also be a four-hour road trip to Las Vegas, where I could spend a night at the El Cortez and also catch The Australian Bee Gees Show – A Tribute to the Bee Gees. Time permitting, I could see Zombie Burlesque, too! That kind of a weekend would be worth the additional four hours getting back to Phoenix.
Callaghan says that the mirror probably is haunted, so I don’t need it. My own thought is that if the mirror is actually haunted, then I definitely need it.
It’s not looking likely, my friends, but if you see this mirror here again, it’ll be because it made its way to my office.
Check out, if you will, my favorite little things from August! I’ve got a movie, two streaming series, one facial product, and a whole lot of food.
We’ve discovered Russian-language series, and now I want to watch every single one available. The two equally excellent projects mentioned here both feature Estonian actor Kirill Käro. You would be correct in guessing that Kirill Käro is my current favorite actor. Let’s start with a film from South Korea, though!
1). Train to Busan (Original title: Busanhaeng) – from South Korea
Someone has gone and created a brilliant film melding family drama with the zombie apocalypse. Train to Busan is great for when you can’t decide whether you want to see a drama, a thriller, or a horror movie. It’s currently on Netflix.
From the protagonist’s standpoint: When you’re bored with your routine and think it would be nice, for once, to have a day filled with family drama, high-speed thrills, and a zombie apocalypse.
[Sidenote: this film has revived my interest in preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I’ve already gotten that endeavor underway.]
2). Better Than Us (Original title: Luchshe, chem lyudi) (Netflix) – from Russia
When you get adopted by a robot who happens to have been made in China, shenanegans will ensue. (Kirill Käro is on the right.)
I must put in that we couldn’t help but continually marvel at the way actress Paulina Andreeva portrayed a robot. The person who trained Paulina Andreeva knew what they were doing, and Paulina Andreeva is hella talented.
3). The Sniffer (Original title: Nyukhach) (Netflix) – from Ukraine
We’re only four episodes into The Sniffer. I’ve seen enough, though, to know that you’re daft if you don’t insure your nose and its superhuman power of being able to smell in such detail that you can make hefty coin as a freelance detective. This series is a dramedy with an often hilariously bumbling duo, one half being Kirill Käro’s character. (I won’t say his name anymore in this post, I promise.)
As pumpkin-spice everything takes over the States, I indulge my love for one of those spices by sprinkling extra cinnamon onto this delicious, crunchy cinnamon cereal. My current passion for this flavor may be related to my eagerness to plow into Halloween season (aka fall), but I can see enjoying this cereal year-round.
August was one of those months that left me hooked on a particular food. I cannot get enough of these Cherries + Berries GoMacro bars. I’ve liked all of the GoMacro bars I’ve tried, but these? I love cherries! These bars are sweet and tart and chewy and wonderful, and they vaguely remind me of Pop Tarts.
Here’s another simple one: cashews, almonds, and dried cranberries in a mix that’s altogether similar in flavor to the Cherries + Berries GoMacro bars. I’m enjoying this flavor combination of sweet and tart in a wholesome food. It tastes of both summer and fall to me. I love the transition of summer to fall.
These tortillas make for some seriously yummy black bean tacos, and they contain only four ingredients: organic sprouted corn, filtered water, sea salt, and lime. They’re delicious. They will make you wonder why you’d put any other ingredient into a corn tortilla.
I’ve also been enjoying this oat bread by Follow Your Heart. I pretty much only eat toasted bread when I’m at home, though, so I can’t tell you how this bread comes across when un-toasted. I should’ve thought to try it out for you! After all, texture is everything when we’re talking about gluten-free baked goods. Really good toast, though.
Food For Life Gluten-Free Brown Rice English Muffins
These English muffins are super dense. They’re like hockey pucks, and it would probably hurt to get hit with one. They’ve become my staple breakfast on Body Pump mornings! I split two of them apart and toast them and spread Earth Balance on two halves and peanut butter and jam on the other two halves, and they’re good. It takes a while to eat them, they’re so heavy! Awesome energy for a pre-workout meal!
I cannot describe to you the luxury of this exfoliating facial scrub. With its base of sea kelp and “French green clay,” it’s a green so dark, it’s almost black. A little goes a long way. The formula is thick and rough, as in large-grain grainy, so I proceed with a very light touch with added water throughout use. I massage it in circles from my forehead all the way down my neck. The luxurious part is the feeling on my skin as I rinse it off. It’s unlike anything I’ve tried! I use this scrub every night following my Earth Science Creamy Fruit Oil Cleanser (a favorite from July). I love the combination of these two products. It’s like a spa in my shower every night.
The End. I can’t wait to get back here with my September Favorites, because that would mean the start of Short Horror Movie October! I know that you can’t wait, either. Heheh.
Yesterday morning, I jumped out of bed and into the car 20 minutes later to get to Body Pump. Like, that never happens! I didn’t think I’d land a spot in the class. I’d spent all of the previous day up until midnight reloading the gym app every half-hour in hopes that someone would drop their spot in the “FULL” class. I’d gone to bed thinking, well, there might be a last-minute cancellation in the morning.
And lo, there was one! When I got up with the alarm at 6:30am, the class was still full. When the alarm woke me up again two hours later, one spot was open. I grabbed it. Then I realized that I had to be on the road in 20 minutes if I wanted to make it on time, as none of my new gyms’ locations are close to me considering that I take surface streets everywhere. (You might remember that I don’t drive on the freeway anymore.)
Monday morning Body Pump always fills up to the max, but everyone wanted to go on Labor Day Monday. Yesterday’s class reached its limit within a few hours of open reservation on Sunday morning; it was full by noon!
I was elated to get my spot. I just had time to scrub my retainers and brush my teeth, throw my sunscreen and three different kinds of nutrition bars into my bag, jump into some gym clothes and shoes, gulp down my morning meds and supplements, and fill my thermos with water before hopping into the car.
Callaghan made fun of me for being that person doing her face (but it was just sunscreen!) while driving, though I did it while stopped at a red light. It’s hard to put on sunscreen while shoving protein bars into your mouth, by the way.
When I got to the gym, I found a line wrapped around the side of the group fitness room as people waited for the earlier class to finish.
By the time the class was set to begin, there were so many people in the room that we were crowded up to the mirror on either side of the instructor’s platform, and packed from one wall to the other from the sides. Also, yesterday was the first time I’ve seen a Pump class run out of equipment at my new gym.
The (substitute) instructor allowed walk-ins as long as there was still standing room and equipment, but it’s hard to gauge equipment availability when people are streaming in and out of the equipment room to grab weights. She advised us to share our weight plates with others if we weren’t using them at the moment.
I was just elated to be there. It was a kick-ass class with a super motivating substitute instructor who made a point of challenging us. I actually feel my biceps today!
So that was yesterday’s highlight. Today, I had to go to the V.A. in the morning for my annual mammogram. I wore one of my favorite t-shirts, and I took a selfie in it because you didn’t see this tee in my “current favorite t-shirts” post. I had to stop at 15!
Depeche Mode tee [9/3/2019]
I cut the neckline out of this one, of course. It’s Depeche Mode.
Okay. I tried to narrow it down to ten, and it just wasn’t happening, so I said what the hell, let’s do 15. I have a lot of t-shirts, and I love them all!
Of these 15 shirts, six are band tees, and two are plain (bare of graphics). Then we’ve got a logo shirt; a favorite YouTuber’s merch tee; an AZ pride sort of touristy deal; a random shirt mostly of my own creation; a cartoon shirt; a sports fan shirt; and a horror movie shirt. Three of these shirts have the neckline cut out, because a big part of me never matured past the 90’s. Two of them are raglan-style tees. More than half of them are oversize, and they’re all very comfortable. For whatever reason, though, these 15 tees are the ones I reach for the most.
[I should say that I have a couple of other go-to favorite shirts that I did not include here. One has an approximation of the F-word on it, and the other has the V-word (vegan). I don’t wear either of them outside of the house. They’re hanging-around comfort tees.]
Let’s get on with it, then, in alphabetical order!
1). Black-and-white raglan shirt.
Black-and-white raglan
This tee is my attempt at a replacement for my beloved black-and-white Virgin Records raglan shirt. It’s slightly uncomfortably tight on my forearms, but it’s one of my absolute favorites. I found it at Ross a few years ago. It was dirt-cheap.
2). Band shirt: Def Leppard.
Def Leppard
This shirt is meaningful to me because Def Leppard (British metal) is probably my favorite hair band, though Joe Elliott didn’t have big, 80’s hair. When I was in high school, I nurtured this bizarre daydream that Joe Elliot was my biological father on account of his being an English musician (my biological father is an English musician still living in England, last I heard) and how cool I thought it would be if I was related to him somehow, never mind that he’s the wrong age. I have three Def Leppard shirts, one of which I got at a Def Leppard concert. That one’s blue and fitted. I wear it to the gym sometimes.
3). Cartoon raglan shirt: Donald Duck.
Donald Duck
You’ve seen this one recently. I’m not a big Disney fan, and I have no special affection for this character, but this shirt is so ridiculously comfortable! It’s super thin and soft. I love the way it’s kind of fitted and drapey at the same time, I love its length, and I love that it’s gray and a shade of blue that I really like.
4). Horror movie shirt: Halloween.
Halloween
Here’s the other tee you’ve seen recently. Halloween is my favorite classic horror slasher flick, and I dig the subdued art on this shirt. “Halloween” doesn’t need to be written on it. A Halloween fan will instantly recognize and identify it.
5). Band shirt: Iron Maiden.
Iron Maiden
Iron Maiden: another favorite British metal band! If you were into metal in the 70’s and 80’s, you’re familiar with Eddie, Iron Maiden’s mascot (who graces this shirt). This character is iconic. All of Iron Maiden’s artwork and concerts feature him, and he’s always amazing. Have you ever been to an Iron Maiden concert? It’s theater, and good theater, at that, in my opinion.
6). Band shirt: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
I got this shirt when I saw Joan Jett perform at Phoenix Pride years ago. I can’t remember the year! I want to say 2009…? I went with a dear friend. Joan was fabulous in concert. Best Pride ever.
7). Band shirt: Marilyn Manson.
Marilyn Manson
I cycle through phases of obsession with Marilyn Manson’s music; I’ve been in one as of late. (I must say, though, that I’m at all times into different genres of music… I’m not just listening to Marilyn Mason right now.) I have two Marilyn Manson tees, and this one’s my favorite. I love the artwork. It’s his art, by the way, in case you didn’t know that Marilyn Manson is also a visual artist.
I’m a total poser when I wear this shirt, because I’m not a huge Motörhead fan, and I’m not that versed in their body of work. I know that I like the music of theirs that I’ve heard, but I couldn’t tell you the song titles. This tee landed in my collection because, again, I was attracted to the artwork on it. It’s one of my most comfortable shirts.
10). Random t-shirt: No One is Perfect.
No One is Perfect
This is the one that’s mostly of my own creation, and I love it so much, I may never wear it! I’d rather just look at it. It’s hanging in my office. Sharpies are wonderful, aren’t they?
11). Plain black t-shirt.
Plain Black
This extremely comfy t-shirt is my go-to when I’m not feeling anything else. It’s the wild card of my collection.
12). YouTuber shirt: Reviewbrah (The Report of the Week).
Reviewbrah
This shirt is special not only because it’s very comfortable, but also because it’s the only piece of YouTuber merch that I own. Reviewbrah – his channel is The Report of the Week – is one of my favorite YouTubers. He reviews fast food. He wears a suit every day (usually complete with a jacket, and never without a tie). He’s known for his 1930’s-era radio personality and his dry sense of humor. Perhaps the greatest thing about Reviewbrah is that none of what you see is a persona! What you see on his channel is what you’d see in his real life, and I love knowing that a human like him is out there in the world. Reviewbrah always opens his review videos with “Hello, everyone. This is Running on Empty, fooooood review!” I can’t describe him other than that. You have to experience him for yourselves. Here’s the video that made him famous for the iconic Reviewbrah line “My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined”:
13). Sports shirt: Sumo.
Sumo Ozeki
Of my three Sumo tees, this one’s my favorite. Ozeki is Sumo’s second-to-highest rank, and it’s the rank of my favorite wrestler, Tochinoshin.
14). Band shirt: Tears For Fears.
Tears For Fears
I wasn’t much into pop in the 80’s, but I did have a few favorite mainstream pop bands: Tears For Fears, Depeche Mode, and INXS. Tears For Fears was my favorite. I bought this shirt when I finally got to see them in concert in the mid-2000’s. Not only did I get to see them perform, but I somehow also ended up sitting on Roland Orzabal’s lap at one point before the show. I DIED. That would be a story for another post. Roland is the one pictured on the left, by the way.
15). Logo shirt: Vans.
Vans
I love Vans, and I love this shirt. I love it so much that I have a back-up in case anything happens to it, though it’s a classic and a Vans mainstay. I do love a huge t-shirt with the neckline cut out.
That completes the list! I hope you enjoyed. You probably learned some things about me that you didn’t know, which I think was the point of the request.
Since the weekend, I’ve been so stoked about rearranging the desk part of my office that I’ve forgotten to write. Then over the last two days I’ve been engaged in catch-up work on personal bookkeeping and accounting, and I’ve been so excited to be doing that that I kept forgetting to write even more. As I may have mentioned, I’ve been wrangling with depression to a slightly higher degree than usual these last few weeks, so being productive in creating new spaces and organizing numbers and files felt like a party.
One interesting thing I discovered about myself during this last little slump (which I’m sure was triggered by not having worked out in a while due to wound-healing) is that I get super sensitive to color when I’m in that mental state. I realized this the morning I put on one of my favorite t-shirts and immediately took it off because I wasn’t feeling it, or, rather, the wrongness of the color for that moment felt like a physical aggravation. It was definitely the color. I felt that if I had a super soft, thin, plain black t-shirt for every day of the week, I’d always be comfortable. (I have just one.) The other shirt I have that always feels right is this equally soft, thin shirt that I’m wearing at the moment:
Perfect.
The picture on the back is Donald Duck’s back, in case you were wondering.
Speaking of t-shirts, one of you requested to see my top 10 favorites. I would’ve taken those pics for today’s post, but I was too busy whooping it up rearranging furniture and organizing invoices and looking at my budget and accounts and shifting things around and whatnot. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll take pics of my favorite shirts so I can post them on Thursday!
Anyway, I’m feeling better now that I’ve been back at the gym consistently since two weeks ago Saturday, re-filling my empty feel-good fuel tank. Working out is straight-up medicine, guys. If you think you’re already in a good place, you’ll be surprised to find that there’s an even better place to be when you get your body moving. I’m always surprised by it, anyway, even though I know it.
I took a selfie late this morning thinking of you who request them. Then I considered what I could write to go with the pic, if anything specific. (Otherwise, I had several unrelated post ideas in mind.) Moving in and out of sites throughout the afternoon, I landed on a video recommended for me on YouTube… and I laughed. I watched the video and laughed even more. The video goes perfectly with my selfie!
YouTube recommended that I watch “10 Things Elegant Ladies NEVER Wear!”
Because you asked
Haha! Thank you, YouTube, but I’m beyond help.
Things I wear that will preclude my ownership of an Elegant Lady card:
Gym clothes outside of the gym.
T-shirts.
Ripped jeans.
“90’s fashion.”
Cartoon or animal prints. (Not even a feminine haute couture frock with a butterfly embellishment is suitable for “high society.”)
Wrinkled/creased clothing.
Bags with wear and tear. (That Chanel bag with the hint of a scuff underneath? Trash.)
Those are seven of the ten rules that I violate. The three NO-NO’S that do not apply to me: crop tops, bandage dresses, and jean shorts.
From what I can gather, the person presenting this video has the best intentions: she wants to help you land on the arm of a billionaire. (What the discriminating billionaire may do on the side, however, probably wears every single item on the NO-NO list.) Her whole deal seems to be about affluent lifestyles and admission to the ranks of high society, billionaire husband included.
To each their own, I say. If Elegant Lady attire is you, then rock it! No judgement here. I just thought it was hilarious that “10 Things Elegant Ladies NEVER Wear!” popped up on my “recommended” list as I was thinking of what subject could apply to my selfie.
And of course I’m signing off with this helpful video. From Sumo to Elegant Lady, I’ve got your viewing needs covered this week! My work here is done.
I went to Body Pump on Saturday, and I went again yesterday, and the wound on the back of my ankle hasn’t bled again, so I seem to be back for real this time. I have to call that door accident “the dumbest thing to ever keep me out of the gym.” I outdumbed myself with that one. I mean, I can’t say that I ran into a door. I have to say that a door ran into me, and that I provoked it.
I’m going one increment lighter on the back track on account of the quick little “jump” you do to get under the bar for clean and press/power presses. I’m still not doing lunges, because when I tried them on Saturday, I could feel the pulling on the scab. Other than that, everything’s the same in Pump.
As for cardio? Not yet. It’s too early to wear shoes other than high-tops at the gym. (I actually prefer to lift weights in my high-tops because I like the flat soles, so that’s nothing new.)
Speaking of coming back from recovery, September’s Grand Sumo Tournament is less than three weeks away, and Tochinoshin (my favorite Sumo wrestler) has this one opportunity to regain the Ozeki rank he lost to injury in July. He’ll need eight wins to get that rank back this time. He needed ten wins to regain it in May! He got his rank back in May, and he can do it again in September. The thing about Sumo at this level is that you can lose your rank because of injury. Sumo is the only combat sport I can think of that has this feature, which makes for an even more dangerous life for the wrestlers. They already have a shorter life expectancy due to the obesity they need to maintain in this violent sport. What we risk in the name of passion and drive, right?
For anyone interested, here’s a short video showcasing Tochinoshin’s ten wins in May:
Also speaking of Sumo, we’re looking forward to watching it at 2020’s Summer Olympic Games in Japan! Sumo will be included in the program for the first time, and it’ll be great to see it performed on the largest stage (pun not intended) for the world to appreciate.
I was thinking of doing a gym updates post, but then I came across a video featuring three gym horror stories – creepy horror, not bad-experience horror – and, well, you know me. Gym? Horror? Hello?
Mr. Nightmare is a YouTube channel on which (allegedly) true stories are told, videos that are basically podcasts with visuals. Ranging from mildly disturbing to downright spooky, all of these stories are disquieting in the sense that the events really happened (let’s trust in this) and that they do happen, or at least can happen.
The channel covers a broad range of situations and scenarios. I would say just stay home and lock up, but as we know from Mr. Nightmare’s “home invasion” and “home alone” videos, we wouldn’t be safe at home, either. Plus, we’d starve, because we couldn’t order food for delivery. Who wants their food with a side of terror?
I scanned through the channel’s video titles and deduced that if you don’t want creepy-ass shit to happen to you, here’s how to avoid it:
Don’t get a roommate.
Don’t stay home alone.
Don’t order food for delivery from Postmates, DoorDash, or any food delivery service.
Don’t order pizza delivery.
Don’t be a pizza delivery driver, or any kind of food delivery driver.
Don’t hitchhike.
Don’t go to house parties, birthday parties, block parties, or pool parties.
Don’t celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or the Fourth of July.
Don’t house-sit, dog-sit, or baby-sit.
Don’t have neighbors.
Don’t have or go to sleepovers.
Don’t date anyone online, enter chat rooms, check your email, or have anything to do with any social media platform.
Don’t enter basements, playgrounds, attics, crawlspaces, movie theaters, or schools.
Don’t look in the trash.
Don’t play hide-and-seek.
Don’t ride the subway.
Don’t drive on the highway at night.
Don’t go hunting, fishing, hiking, or camping.
Don’t go to the mall.
Don’t go on spring break.
Don’t take vacations, field trips, or any kind of trips.
Don’t get caught in thunderstorms, snowstorms, fire drills, or blackouts.
Don’t go into the sea.
Don’t play Pokémon Go, and don’t play with Ouija boards.
Don’t take an Uber.
Don’t have an automotive breakdown.
Don’t go into the swimming pool.
Don’t enter the Deep Web.
Don’t watch found footage.
Don’t lose your phone or your laptop.
Don’t work the night-shift.
Don’t go to haunted houses.
Don’t run into spiders or clowns.
Don’t go to Walmart.
Don’t go to the airport.
Don’t be a trucker.
Don’t go to the beach.
Don’t go into the forest.
Don’t enter abandoned buildings.
Don’t play sports.
Don’t join the police force or the boy scouts.
Don’t buy anything through Craigslist.
DON’T GO TO THE GYM LATE AT NIGHT, AND DON’T WORK IN ONE LATE AT NIGHT, EITHER.
I watched the aforementioned “3 Disturbing True Horror Gym Stories” video yesterday:
Mr. Nightmare is a binge threat for horror fans, especially. The videos are short. Since they’re like podcast episodes, I like to listen to them while I’m doing mundane tasks around the house… I’ve listened to scary-story podcasts, and Mr. Nightmare’s YouTube channel is better, in my opinion!
Craigslist appears on the channel numerous times – I counted five Craigslist videos, each containing several stories – which brings to mind the lady who dropped by to purchase something (my microwave, if you must know). I think it was last week that I told you how I almost forgot to change out of my Halloween Michael Myers t-shirt before she arrived.
That post prompted a request for a Halloween shirt selfie, and it so happens that I took one the other day! I’d just come in from some wild monsoon winds, so my hair was appropriately insane. I tried to get my expression to look like Michael Myers’. I think I got the mouth part right. Also, can we admire how the knife hilt leads up into my coiling hearts tattoo?
Michael Myers (Halloween) inspired look
The end, my friends. Please to check out Mr. Nightmare on YouTube. You will learn SO much.
Since this blog tends to cycle around various topics, I thought of what I haven’t done in a while. I post a lot of gym updates. I do a lot of general updates. I’ve written a couple of movie reviews lately. I’m overdue for a Geronimo (Sonoran desert tortoise) update, but there’s not much to report right now because I don’t see him often enough in this heat! Geronimo comes out ready to rock during summer storms, but it hasn’t rained much… I read yesterday that the last time we had such a dry summer was in 1988. They’re calling this year’s monsoon season the “Non-soon.”
It’s been a while since I’ve written a mental health update, but I do plan to do one in the near future. We’ve also got writing updates, office updates, pretty much you name it, etcetera, plus random thoughts and story-time posts.
Today, though, I come bearing a Missed Connections Exquisite Corpse poem. The last time I did one was in May.
For this fourth poem in my “Missed Connections Exquisite Corpse” series, I have a short lyric that’s as wistful and whimsical as the previous poems in this series.
Standard explanation: To create these poems, I skim through the list of Missed Connections entries on Craigslist and pick out the subject lines that intrigue me in some way. Then I arrange them into a shape that makes sense to me. This is actually a great creative writing exercise, I’ve found! I don’t change anything in these lines except for obvious typos (“sic” would disrupt the poem), neither do I alter punctuation or caps.
Standard disclaimer: Credit goes to those strangers who unwittingly dropped wonderful bits of poetry in Missed Connections for me to gather and combine.
Without further ado:
Missed Connections Exquisite Corpse, 4
Long ago and oh so far away
Night Swimming
Floating past on the lazy river
Where the wild things are…
Furniture Guy
Hiking the mountain
Card players
Sitting on bed in the bed of a white truck
dispensary chick
In and out
Plasma worker
Bowling!
A young man recovering from a brutal street attack happens upon a martial arts dojo and decides to join in order to learn self-defense.
Seems like a premise for a simple, straightforward plot, right?
We’ve been lucky with movies lately, Callaghan and I. As infrequently as we go to the theater, it’s pleasing when two consecutive outings put us in front of brilliant cinema. First we watched Midsommar, and then The Art of Self-Defense.
When independent film distributor Bleecker Street released The Art of Self-Defense, we didn’t take notice. The movie wasn’t getting a lot of attention, and we weren’t paying a lot of attention. It slipped by us into the theater as quietly as a ninja too broke to buy a ticket.
As it turned out, we almost missed it! The showing we caught at Alamo Drafthouse would be the last of The Art of Self-Defense not only at that theater, but at any in our vicinity.
I didn’t know anything about this film beforehand. Sitting down unaware that I was in for a black comedy – a favorite genre of mine – proved to be a fascinating experience in and of itself, a treat of a discovery. The film’s comedic elements appear at the beginning (Rex Kwan Do, anyone?), while the dark aspect stalks through at its own, measured pace: it develops incisively and in tandem with the protagonist’s own development as a karate student.
More than comedy with a dark underbelly, The Art of Self-Defense stands as a feat of comedy and horror merging agreeably while maintaining their respective identities. It’s a film with a lot of personality considering its small cast of characters, a black comedy whose darkness takes on a voice and insistence of its own, as if to challenge the humor. First I was amused, then successively perplexed, frustrated, and appalled… and in the end, I was rewarded. I found the ending of this film to be immensely satisfying. A rarity!
(You might be wondering how I didn’t know that The Art of Self-Defense is a black comedy when the words are printed right there on the film poster. This is where I admit that the poster only caught my attention because it features people wearing karate uniforms. I didn’t read the quoted text.)
The Art of Self-Defense stars Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland) as its protagonist, and it was written and directed by relative newcomer Riley Stearns. Beyond a sharply penned black comedy piece, Mr. Stearns wrote a straight-up satire on toxic masculinity, the concept of which slaps you in the face over and again as the story progresses, as a good satire should. If you’re unfamiliar with toxic masculinity before seeing this film, I can guarantee that you’ll have an idea of it after seeing it. The Art of Self-Defense is a smart, successful film; it’s jarring in its boldness, which is the paramount feature of exploitation cinema.
My only regret in seeing The Art of Self-Defense is that I got to it so late in its run-time. I wish I’d seen this film early enough to recommend as a theater viewing! You may find it lingering in theaters here and there. No matter – it’ll be just as clever and fun on a smaller screen.
Horror 1: We watched Train to Busan (original title Busanhaeng) on Netflix on Saturday night. Of all the zombie movies I’ve seen, Train to Busan is the only one that actually made me nervous about leaving the house. I was impressed. Zombies are not my favorite horror sub-genre, but Train to Busan is easily one of the best films I’ve seen this year, out of any genre.
Horror 2: Our internet’s been inconsistently slow and prone to disconnecting, as it is every year in August/September. We have a theory that this is due to university students flooding our section of Tempe by the hundreds, if not thousands, stressing our area bandwidth as they settle in for the new academic year. Things always go back to normal around mid-September. It’s not a big deal.
Horror 3: I returned to Body Pump on Saturday and carefully favored my left leg, doing easy squats, passing on lunges, and trying to avoid going up on my toes (difficult to avoid while doing high pulls and clean and presses)… but I still managed to make the wound on my ankle bleed again after it hadn’t bled for days. I learned. I’m staying out of the gym for another week. The dumbbells have migrated back into the house for a home upper-body workout. I’ll head back to Body Pump this Saturday!
Horror 4: I didn’t think I’d be seeing anyone yesterday when I plucked my Halloween horror movie t-shirt out of the closet, but then I got the idea to post an item on Craigslist. Within hours of bowing to this whim, I had a buyer who said she was coming over right away! I headed back to my closet to change.
It occurred to me that she might not appreciate meeting a seller who opens the door wearing a black t-shirt with a shadowy, masked face floating above two pale knives fading ominously into the dark. I quickly changed into my happy brick-red and yellow Lion King shirt with young Simba and his meerkat and warthog friends traipsing above the carefree “Hakuna Matata” line. I figured the buyer would be more comfortable entering the home of a person wearing a sunny Disney animal shirt than a black horror movie t-shirt with murderous Michael Myers in his white mask with his big pointy knives. Am I considerate or what? Come into my lair and buy my stuff. Nah.
Here, I’ve got a pic of Yours Truly in said Lion King shirt. This is from a few weeks ago. I wasn’t going to post it here (it’s on instagram), but while 1). we’re on the subject, 2). I have standing requests for selfies, and 3). I don’t have another pic for this post…
(Went to see The Lion King on July 22)
Incidentally, Halloween (1978) is my all-time favorite horror movie. I love that t-shirt!
That Asian-Looking Chick 