There’s a zombie plague going around. A friend of mine texted me yesterday. She wasn’t feeling well.
Lest you think I’d seize anyone’s plight with the pull of my easily entertained mind, I do believe that she’s talking about zombies. I worry that she may be infected, so I feel it’s my moral obligation to let you know.
I’m assuming it’s zombies we’re dealing with here. She said there was a plague. She said, “I can feel something trying to get me.” She also said she was in a meatlocker, that she and her co-workers were discussing inhaling ocean water and roasting goats, and that shower curtains are better than tarps for body disposal. ALSO, she said that “the name of the day is Rudecinda.”
What would you assume? ZOMBIES. Obviously, my friend had a run-in with a zombie called “Rudecinda.”
(Also, the zombie outbreak was triggered by the rain because it was raining yesterday and she said that she couldn’t go out in it.)
This is serious. This is the girl who stands in front of me in Saturday morning Body Pump, and we’re always next to each other in Body Combat. We’re in close proximity at least once a week, on average… and we’re sweating. (Sweating BUCKETS in the case of Combat. Last night I left class looking like I’d showered fully dressed.)
I thought it was especially considerate of her to stay home and keep her “plague” to herself, though I do worry for her, as I’d said.
I used to be well-prepared for the zombie apocalypse. That particular disaster fell off my priority list as other heinous threats crept upward. But when I had lunch with a different friend a few weeks ago, we talked briefly about our zombie apocalypse-preparedness statuses when she asked me about the survival bag I was carrying. I realized that I was indeed carrying the latest iteration of my zombie apocalypse bag. On some level, I must have sensed that we were on the threshold of another outbreak. Yes, I told her… this bag does have in case of Z.A. cred.
Not long after that lunch date, Callaghan suggested we watch a certain movie on Netflix. His film selection was totally random. We didn’t know what it was about. All we knew was that it was horror, and it involved people trying to escape a plague. The plague turned out to be… zombies.
Then the third thing happened: my friend’s text yesterday.
Coincidence? I think not.
As always, when the question is the plague, the answer is zombies. I know what you’re thinking. All I have to say about that is that the only thing worse than a zombie is a zombie infected with ebola.
Honestly? A zombie in good health is hilarious to me, not scary. I just wouldn’t want to be near one or to be one.
ANYWAY, in explaining my friend’s absence, I let our Body Combat instructor know about the plague. I didn’t tell her that the plague was of a zomboid nature, though. I would only tell Les Mills instructors that it’s zombies if I thought that they (the instructors) were imperiled. I wouldn’t want the instructors to stop coming to class.
On my part, I definitely need to keep up with my cardio in these dangerous times. So do you. Let’s not forget that Rule Number One of Zombieland is “Cardio.”
And you know there’s no better cardio for zombie preparedness than cardio kickboxing.
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Unrelated sidenote: how is it that “adorbs” now appears in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, but “meatlocker” does not? Merriam-Webster, we need to have a word. Pun not intended.
Side-sidenote: I hated to confirm that MW added “adorbs” to their dictionary. I didn’t want to go there, but in the end, I couldn’t resist. The vocabulary trainwreck is real, guys. ADORBS.
That Asian-Looking Chick 